Jackson Hole, Bryce Canyon, Zion, and Las Vegas 2012 - Day 7

Happy Birthday, Chad.

Fifteen years ago today, on Chad’s 23^rd birthday, the two of us took our first trip to Las Vegas. So it was pretty cool waking up here on his 38^th birthday. We woke the kids up early, tidied up the RV, and got a cab to Hash House A Go Go to have breakfast with our friend, Lisa and her two daughters. The cab driver asked me how to get to our destination, and then he asked me how to spell “Sahara” while entering the address in his GPS, and then he drove the entire route as if he was keeping the beat to“Staying Alive” on the accelerator pedal. The ride cost $24. I was glad we were going to pick up our rental car after breakfast.

Jackson and his fried chicken

I've known Lisa for 16 years, and we haven’t seen each other in 7. She, her husband Rep, and their girls live in Las Vegas during the summer because Rep is a professional poker player, and the World Series of Poker keeps him incredibly busy. We caught up while eating enormous portions of delicious food (watch Man vs. Food – trust me.) It was decadent, and gluttonous, and wonderful. Chad ordered a pecan pancake that was roughly the size of a man hole cover, I ordered a smoked salmon hash, and Lisa had the sage fried chicken benedict. When the waitress brought the food, she leaned over and said, “I just want to tell you that your kids are the most well-behaved kids I have ever seen. I SO appreciate that and I thought you’d want to know.” It was a great way to start the day with our kids.

The hostess called a cab for us, and this driver was great. The ride still cost the same, but I was less bitter. We picked up our car at the hotel: a beautiful silver Buick Enclave that seats all 7 of us comfortably. We piled in and from the back seat I heard, “it looks like someone had a party with peanut butter back here!” I don’t know what the heck happened in the back seat, but I sure hope all that stuff actually WAS peanut butter.

Leah and Kenny had walked to the Stratosphere for breakfast, so we drove over to meet them. Neither of them wanted to go up to the tower with us, as they’ve done it all before, so the 5 of us bought our tickets and rode the elevator up at about 21 mph. Chad, Ali, Ashley, and I chose to ride Big Shot. It’s similar to the Tower of Terror ride we love so much, but infinitely scarier. It’s the ride at the very top of the Stratosphere, and it launches you 160 feet in the air at 45 mph. For a split second, at the top of the spire, while we were weightless in the air, I thought I was going to die. So did Chad. In fact, his hands were shaking for 5 minutes after the ride was over. Jackson, on the other hand, decided to ride X-Scream which is sort of like a roller coaster car that gets launched out over the side of the tower, at 866 feet above the ground, and then pulls the riders back and does it again. And then teeter-totters while it dangles them over the edge. I felt so terrified watching Jackson on that ride that I almost couldn’t take it.

After a run to the store, we went back to the RV to play with the dogs, who have been living in the comfort of an air conditioned house-on-wheels, and loving it. I made my pico de gallo for Kenny because it’s his favorite, and then we drove downtown to Fremont Street.

Leah and Kenny gave Chad one of the coolest birthday presents we could think of: they bought us a room at the Golden Nugget so we could have a night alone. We checked in, checked out the room, and then the 7 of us ate lunch/dinner at Grotto, an italian restaurant in the hotel. We sat in the bar (uh – kids are allowed to eat in bars here, and our kids got their own table) and ordered bruschetta, sliders, thin crust pizza and an antipasti platter. When the server brought us our bill, he leaned over and said, "usually kids are so bad and drive me crazy, but your kids were so well behaved and polite - it was unbelievable." I've gotta hand it to my kids - they've been on the road for 7 days without a break from one another and they're STILL managing to get compliments from strangers.

We were painfully full when we went swimming in the Tank, which is the hotel’s gorgeous pool. It has a shark tank and a 3-story water slide that takes you right through the tank. The pool was packed, but we found some great lounge chairs, laid our things down and climbed the stairs to the water slide. Chad and the kids went down the slide over and over again, but after my one run, I made my way back to the lounge chair. This 105 degree weather is SO enjoyable when you are soaking wet and in the shade. It was glorious. And I dozed off. Sorry to all the folks in the restaurant who had to watch me sleep through their window. I hope you got a refund on your dinner.

Watching the light show at Fremont Street Experience

At 7:00 we all headed out to Fremont Street Experience. It was still early enough that all the freaks hadn’t come out yet, but I was getting nervous about what my kids might see. There were plenty of freaks-in-training, but they left us alone. The light and music show on the canopy of Fremont Street was really great, and we watched that together before Leah and Kenny took the kids back to the campground for the night.

Chad and I watched a live band play 80s butt-rock (sounded great, hard to watch with all the theatrical expressions and air-drumming), we watched a one-eyed girl (who wasn’t wearing an eye patch) stomp down the street. The story I made up for her (and I’m usually right about these things), is that her eye was cut out of her head in a drug deal gone wrong, and she is on a mission to find the man who took it. We saw a lot of freaks and as the night grew darker, the more they started to appear.

We decided to go into a casino which has slot machines that still dump quarters into the tray. We figured if we knew we were going to lose twenty bucks, it wasn’t a big deal, and we could get the whole gambling thing out of the way. I put in a 20 dollar bill, pressed the button 3 times and doubled it. I cashed out and happily took my bucketful of quarters. Chad thought we could just play for awhile with those quarters, but I passed a dollar machine and said, “I wanna try that one.” It was a Wheel of Fortune machine and that is my favorite game of all time, next to Jeopardy and The Price is Right (with Bob Barker, not Drew Carey). Chad gave me a 50. I couldn’t believe it, because we just don’t DO that, you know? I put it in, Chad walked away to play the quarters, I pushed the button 5 times and won $200. I pushed “Cash Out” and the $1 coins started to drop. An attendant had to come refill the machine, and he was wearing a pale blue lab coat like he was some kind of scientist. Okay, I can see why some people are addicted to gambling. I knew I better get out of there, so we took our $250 bucks and walked out of that place like Brad Pitt and George Clooney in Oceans 11. All slow-motion-like. Did I mention we were wearing matching grey Rain Man suits? I’m figuring Las Vegas will file Bankruptcy after what I did there tonight. It was legendary.

Now we’re in our big king size bed, courtesy of the Giles. Chad is ending another birthday in Vegas, and I am praying I didn’t catch something that will require antibiotics from all the coins I touched tonight.

“But take my advice, you don't stand a chance
Freaks are so bad they got their own dance
So if you wanna live a nice quiet life
Do yourself a favor, don't come out at night, 'cause
The freaks come out at night…”-Whodini

- The Niemeyers